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Don’t let jealousy control your mind & life

Loving someone can be genuinely overwhelming. And this illustration I did is part of a story — called “Loving you deeply” — that I wrote a few years ago for my book.

The character — a woman who has fallen deeply in love — couldn’t avoid getting so jealous of everyone and everything all the time. It wasn’t because he, the guy, did something terrible to her, but because she loved him so much that she was always afraid of losing him. These thoughts were so painful that, one day, she did what no one should ever do: she took his life. To prevent herself from ever being hurt by him. To, somehow, gain control over her emotions again. To set herself free from her obsession.

Of course, this was fiction. But what I truly wanted was to make a point — the point that it takes a lot of courage to love someone deeply without letting the fear of being hurt scare us. It’s like putting our heart and life in someone’s hands, and for most of us, that’s a terrifying thing to do. Each of us deals with that fear the best way we can, but sometimes the fear gets bigger and bigger, and it’s almost as if we had an elephant in the room.

If you can relate to this and are dealing with this kind of fear and situation right now in your life, these words are for you: Do not let yourself be controlled by fear and insecurity. You deserve more than that. You can do better. If something is bothering you in your relationship, hurting you or making you doubt, take a moment to analyse why and if it’s something real or just something you imagine could happen. Whatever is the reason, talk. Tell your partner that you have insecurities, why you feel scared, why that relationship is not providing you with the confidence and the love you need in order to be happy and in peace. Communicate what is consuming you, and create an opportunity to be heard, understood and clarified — create an opportunity to feel more connected.

For the last months, I’ve seen people not talking and feeling completely overwhelmed by these thoughts and fears. People who couldn’t sleep. People always controlling others in ways that aren’t healthy. People spiralling out negative thoughts. I know they can make you feel obsessed. I know they’re time, and energy, and health consuming. I know you may not have the courage to explain to your partner what, how and why you feel what you feel. It is because you don’t want to upset that person and because you think he or she will not understand you, and you will lose the one you love. Or it is because you believe the person will lie to you — because “he or she must be hiding something” from you, right?

But, if there is one thing that I would ask you to do, just one single thing that could make a huge difference and solve everything you’re going through, it would be this:

Communicate. Talk.

No fear will ever disappear by itself if you don’t create an opportunity to be heard, understood, and clarified. It’s up to you to decide how you want to live the next days, months, or years of your life.

So what’s it gonna be?

My name is Laura. I’m a passionate storyteller, and the author of a book that talks about love. I'm a graphic designer and illustrator, living and working in the amazing central London. In 2014, I've created the blog "apeteces-me", that drew the attention of a publisher after becoming very popular with more than 130.000 followers on Facebook, and that's how I became a book author too. Absolutely passionate about my work, I'm inspired by people, places and little joys.

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